Not a Thing
by Power of Fiction
Summary: "Would you change anything?" She asks. "If you could do it again I mean. Would you change anything?" Long after Arthur's death and Camelot's fall an old man walks the road near the Lake of Avalon. A simple question refuses to allow him to forget. Light spoilers for 5x13


**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. **

Her run sets her on the same course that it has since she first started years earlier. The sky is gray, and the air has a chill to it that comes from more than the fact that it is early in the morning. The town is quiet at this time, and the familiarity of her surroundings gives her a chance to think. Not even the truck racing by brings her out of her thoughts. She reaches the lake with little effort but pauses at the sight of the old man in front of her. It's not that he is an unusual sight, after all it's a well known fact that he makes the trek from his house on the outskirts of town to the lake every day and has since before the girl herself was born. It's just that something seems different about him today.

The town knows little about the strange man, which is strange enough in itself as the town is the type where everyone knows everyone and has since birth. All the girl knows is that he appeared one day and has been there ever since. Not for the first time she is curious.

As he continues his walk, she decides that today is the day that she will speak with him. Today she will talk with the mysterious character that everyone simply knows as Mr. Emrys. Her decision made, the girl races to catch up with him.

"Hello," She says, her voice slightly unsure despite her resolute conviction. He doesn't even glance at her. She wonders how long it has been since any have been this close to him, since any initiated conversation with him. She bets that none have encountered him outside of his few supply runs in a long time.

Despite her resolve to speak with the man, she has nothing to say and he does not say a word. So the girl studies him. His white hair is long, longer than most men ever let their hair grow to be, and his deep blue eyes seem ancient.

"I run past the lake every day. Do you come here often?" Without pausing, she continues. After all, she already knows the answer. "The lake is beautiful, isn't it? I think it's very calming. Do you? Is that why you walk by every day?"

She's babbling now, the words coming out before she has a chance to think them through. She stops for a moment, and his blue eyes meet her own. A multitude of emotions flicker across his face before he turns away: pain, loss, regret. "Does it remind you of something? Maybe of someone?"

He does reply to her then. His voice is hoarse, as if it has been neglected over the years. "Why are you concerning yourself with the regrets of an old man?"

"You looked lonely, and I was curious. I know that's not the good Samaritan reply you probably thought I would give, but…" She's unfaltering honest, and it painfully reminds the man of the boy that he used to be. He pushes the thought back and focuses on the crisp morning air.

"You must have lived a long time," The girl continues bluntly, "To have so many regrets." He ignores the statement, choosing to forget all that that statement implies. "Would you change anything?" She asks. "If you could do it again I mean. Would you change anything?"

And for the first time in centuries the old man remembers. His memories draw him back to a time before traitors and queens, before a friendship and destiny that had defined him, before Morgana and Gwen and the Knights of the Round Table, before _Arthur_. He sees himself reaching Camelot, sees the wonder and hope on his young face. And could he really regret entering the kingdom that had changed his life in so many ways?

There is meeting Gaius and then Arthur and thinking _he's a prat_. He hears Gwen's laugh and Morgana arguing fervently against the latest injustice. Suddenly he's only one side of a coin, but it's okay because Arthur will be great one day. Lightning flashes and innocence is lost. There's poison and a dragon and people are always dying. The round table flashes in front of his eyes, and it's a symbol of everything he's ever dreamed of and everything he knows he will never have. There is pain and hatred, laughter and love. The memories continue to flow and life goes on; it always goes on.

He grows up and watches as Arthur does the same. Quests come and people go but he's alive and Arthur's alive and nothing matters more. He makes mistakes and refuses to learn from them because the world isn't fair. Then Arthur's a king but destiny has to have the last laugh. There's magic and secrets and _he never wanted things to be like this_. Morgana's dead and Arthur knows. A boat goes where he can never follow and Gwen rules alone. There's death and a loss that consumes his very being. But it can't destroy him because Gwen's freeing magic and raising Arthur's son. The kingdom falls, but he always remembers the way he has always remembered Arthur's thank you.

And then he knows, he understands what centuries of living has not taught but a teenager has.

"No," the old man replies. His answer hangs in the air between them before the girl smiles softly.

"Well," she says. "There you go. If you wouldn't change anything, then there's no point in regretting it forever. My mother says that the past ought to remain in the past. That you should learn from it but never dwell on it."

She's quiet beside him for another second before waving goodbye and continuing her run. The old man watches her until she disappears, realizes that he never even asked for her name, and promises himself to get it next time. She's awoken a vitality in him that he thought had died with Arthur. Perhaps he wasn't as lost as he had previously believed. Perhaps he could continue to be Merlin as he awaited Arthur's return.

Once he had said to Arthur, "And I wouldn't change a thing…" He'd forgotten, but no longer. Because every trial and every loss had been worth it. He had never truly stopped believing in Arthur, but sometimes… sometimes it just takes a little help to remember what is important.


End file.
